Daniel Klein

The Unknown Musicians

Three men sat around a table, all eager to be born. The only thing each person had in common was a voracious desire to be sympathetically viewed forlorn. A doctor was waiting on the other side of the viewing glass. He held a clipboard, but no pen was in sight. Every so once in awhile the nurse by his side would ask him if he needed his pen, “Mr. Kasem, there must be some notes you can take to determine who deserves to be heard, seen, and adored?” Dr. Kasem had a standard reply to the inquiry, “Vibes my dear, that is what determines who succeeds in passing through that door. The tools are but a means to an end. This clipboard? Useless!” The well-respected doctor smashed the clipboard on the desk repeatedly. The thick board could not withstand the abuse and eventually broke in half. As rapidly as his seethe had arrived, it too would fade away. The calm doctor resumed his initial position observing the three men with yet another clipboard in hand.

A year ago, 1000 people sat in the small room that Dr. Kasem.was still keenly watching. Through a gradual, and assuredly fair, process of elimination the competition was nearing its end. The man who sat with his back to the door began to talk to the meek youth across from him. “Do you know what would separate you from the competition? You need a new perspective on life. Something only research chemicals can offer you.” The meek man took the pills begrudgingly. Let it be clear, it was not as if he was forced. The rules made it clear that no violence was to be permitted. Still, the youth knew it was the wrong thing to do – but he was bored of waiting for things to happen. One pill, two pills, three pills, four. The kid dressed in orange lay dead on the floor.

Before the pill-peddler could gloat, a new creature would enter to congratulate the two remaining about their immense progress. The devil thought it fitting to make his appearance in a three piece suit. “As you may have known, I was the one who commissioned this whole project to begin with. I thought to myself how better than to determine the best of you than put 1000 people into friendly rivalry. Of course the reward is immense and now you two will have a chance to earn repentance. You may enjoy your conversation with God long after you have had the pleasure of being born.” Through pause and feigned deliberation the devil made a fierce attempt to not have the final task appear to be set long ago.

“For your final trial, I shall invite you to walk through the door. The first one who does it shall win the competition. No talent is required. The speed of your walk matters little to the speed of your decision. You may be confused. I will illuminate you to the rationale I am applying here. On the outside matters little of what you have had to demonstrate to your peers in this room. Just walk through the door and all will be yours. Stay and not even the good doctor will care about you anymore.” The devil finished his speech and disappeared into the air.
The pill peddler asked the other remaining man what he thought, “this has to be a trap, right?” The man spoke no reply and walked to the door. A few men had tried before to just go ahead and walk through. All who attempted to circumvent the routine of birth were cut down as soon as the intention became clear within their mind. This time was different than the others. The devil remained true to his word. Dr. Kasem was the first to congratulate the star. The rest of the world came next. The devil had promised God would come third, but that eulogium would never arrive.