Daniel Klein

The bar was quiet for a Wednesday, even more so than normal. While usually a few friends would gather after work, there was no such source of laughter today. A thoughtful barkeep could sensibly take this either as good for the little work he must now do or as a negative given the life-sucking task it is to stand with nothing to do.

The sun had already set and the scene probably would not improve. The town drunkard felt it thus fit to get a drink at this establishment. He could see through the window that the barkeep was bothered by a lack of things to do. Normally he would strive not to ruin the mood of well to do folks, but tonight he was unable to offend. Easily are people offended by the smell of a man who has not bathed in such a long time. A good shower costs a lifetime of hard work. The cost is simply prohibitive for a person merely wishing to exist.

Stumbling through the door with a smile on his face, our drunkard was determined to sit upon the high stool. He was successful in his endeavor to get up on the high top, if only barely so. He teetered over one side and then the other before finally setting himself balanced upon the circular stool. This accomplishment surprised the young bartender – a man not yet familiar with his drunken precision of his antics. 

“Mister, if I may so assume your intentions, what would you like to drink today”

‘I would like a spirit evanescent. Something that is easy to swallow in one gulp. Do you know of a drink like this? I am very curious to know whether I am dealing with a connoisseur or merely an employee? I have worked very hard for the money in my pocket and I need someone capable in assisting me to make the perfect selection. It is not everyday I drink, you know?’

“Mister, now I am sure, I do consider myself an expert in alcohol. Many a night have I been able to comfort myself with a glass of liquid courage – and I do believe that only the finest are sufficient to consume. Yet, I do not know what you mean by a spirit evanescent. Why can you just not say that you desire a drink which is quick to swallow?”

‘I cannot say it because it is not true. I care not to lie and too do I wish for a drink evanescent in nature. I shall clarify to you what I mean by this statement. I fear you have not been educated properly yet my evanescent friend. Before I explain, will you please provide me with a beer?’

“Certainly.”

The beer was poured and handed to the drunkard with all due haste. The bartender was certainly eager to know what this mysterious desired spirit was.

‘Now that I have had a sip. I can explain to you properly. When I say evanescence I mean that which every sip is magnanimous, yet it dissipates quickly. This beer does not suffice as every taste has a sense of bitterness and it is oh so large. Am I meant to consume the entire glass? This is not an evanescent spirit in the slightest. With this beer I am just drinking to drink. Enjoyable nonetheless!”

“I appreciate your enjoyment, but, perhaps the evanescent spirit you look for is a fine glass of wine.”

This sounds likely, but I do believe that I must experiment to be sure of whether a glass of wine suffices.’

The bartender was now enthralled. He believed he had the mystery solved. The wine was decanted and poured. The drunkard too had a smile on his face, excited to see the happiness of the bartender as he attempted to solve the mystery.

He took a sip. ‘Oh this is wonderful. I do wonder where this drink is from. It must be from somewhere grand, Germany or France. No no, maybe Italy, Spain, or even America. Could you imagine this coming from America?’ He continued to ponder the origin, never giving a moment for the bartender to respond with the correct answer. He named each and every nation along the way to finishing his drink.

The bartender noticed that he was done and came over to ask him, “was your drink evanescent?”

‘At first sip, I was misled by the taste into thinking it was, but too much magnanimity has left me unsatisfied. I now know my next drink will be worse, and am thus overall disappointed.’

“I have overestimated how long it takes to drink a glass of wine with such an investigative mind as yours,’ said the bartender.

‘May I know suggest one more beverage, a pour of cognac? – something able to warm your heart, something truly capable of giving you happiness.’

“An enticing description! Give me a pour my, maybe not so evanescent, friend.’

The cognac was poured from a beautiful bottle into a fine cup. Glory to the drinker was the promise of the whole decorum. This is a drink fit for a king certainly. If anything in the world was evanescent it certainly must be this. 

‘Now the bartender waited by the drunkard for him to finish his drink. The goal was to pressure the drunkard into finishing the drink quicker through a thoroughly attentive, but friendly, gaze. The drunkard was unashamed and took as long as possible to finish. No amount of care could change how the drunkard was to act. Enjoying the discomfort of the bartender as he behaved the opposite of expectation. 

The bartender was peeved at the disregard of his pressure, but was still quite pleased at the smile our unkempt drunkard would give upon finally finishing the drink.

‘This has exceeded expectations. After the wine, I thought myself to be certainly disappointed by what I would drink next. You have saved me from a great displeasure. Thank you, sir.’

The drunkard took his money out of his pocket to pay. He had the perfect amount ready before the bartender could mutter a word about the true cost of the experiment.

‘Thank you once more for the company,’ the drunkard said as he left his high stool.

“But, mister, did I accomplish our mutual mission to provide you with the evanescent spirit?”

Almost at the door now, the drunkard turned to respond, “I regret to inform you that no on this evening, nor ever before, have I found someone to serve me this spirit. I should have been more clear with you from the onset that this beverage is too called the spirit of man.  It would spoil the game rather quick if I were to tell you this. I do hope you will not take offense that I gave you a near impossible task. The money for these drinks is proof of my apology. Although, please never mistake this money for being equal to the spirit itself. You can take the spirit with you when you die —  the money you cannot. I encourage you to look for this spirit, but, never to find it lest you want to end up like me.”

The drunkard left the bar and never came inside again. Sometimes the bartender would look outside and see him walking up and down the street. The bartender stayed working at the bar for the rest of his life, always hoping to serve the drunkard once more.